she and him

it has been ages since we have a physical contact with each other including emails or phones. perhaps, you were too hurt by my selfish and hurtful acts. i apologized for this. but the problem is, i never understand the multitudes of happenings from a giddy teenager in love to hurtful words in a couple of days. maybe you dont want to tell her that i am your girlfriend but you want to tell her you have a girlfriend. i dont know. maybe she is lying because i never heard from your point of view. i just want to find out the answers and move on from this.

i watched you from afar and i wanted to say a friendly hi but something is holding me back. i only could ponder on these questions yet i know where to find the answers. asking you will never be the solution. call me egoistic but the truth is, i fear to face the truth and i fear of unwantedness. i want us to be how we used to be and was thinking of those happy memories but thank god, the memory is fading.

it was not easy, honestly. i put a brave face on every single day. yet, it feels like loneliness and hopelessness as if i am holding onto a thin rope. i used to think when will you be back, when and will you forgive me but months had became years.

i could date other men, but eventually, i will be drawn back to you.

why am i so stupid?